Rugby: It's Like Wholesome God Fearing Marriage in a Way

If you don't have time to read Bob McCroskie's compelling arguement against allowing gay people to marry, I'll sum it up for you.

http://bobmccoskrie.com/?p=5174

Heterosexual buttocks flex in a manly display of men in short shorts fighting over who gets to touch the ball.

Rugby is a game played by most boys in New Zealand in their childhood, though some don’t want to play it at all, in fact according to statistics NZ out of. A significant section of the community have always preferred to play a different sport, like soccer.

Fact: According to the 2001 NZ Census of the 847,740 people under the age of 15 only 118, 245 play rugby. Which means the majority of people must play soccer, and we all know that soccer is shorthand for gay.

Conclusion: Our kids today are experimenting with the love the dare not speak its name at an alarming rate. Family first demands that soccer be outlawed immediately.

But Rugby gets all the status in New Zealand, commanding all the respect. So much so that those who play soccer are often made to feel like second-class citizens. They lack the mana of those who play the nation’s revered game. Reliable studies show that this has statistically led to a higher degree of depression among soccer playing boys, and already our rate of male youth suicide is far too high.

Fact: Some people might suggest that bringing up youth suicide in such a flippant manner is a sign of a lack of empathy or basic human decency, but Family First wish to emphasise that they only treat people like second-class citizens and drive kids to suicide because rugby must be respected at all costs. Come on people, it's rugby!

To end this discrimination we have decided to redefine Rugby to include any sport involving two teams with a ball.

Fact: Gay Marriage Proponents want to redefine marriage as being between two people with an excess of balls or no balls at all. At Family First we're incredibly anxious that the right ball ratio be kept within the sacred and holy bounds of marriage. We fear if excess/lack of balls is allowed that this will lead to the sickness of hockey sticks and other sport paraphernalia entering into the bedrooms of New Zealand.

We should remember that rugby itself has historically undergone many changes. Once upon a time, there were only four points for a try and now there are five. There are eight in the scrum today instead of six in earlier times. Before you had to jump by yourself in the lineout and now you can be lifted. So the Rugby Union is happy to adjust and refine the definition of rugby throughout the ages– but for some reason they stop at soccer. That old boys’ club want to control the definition themselves because underneath, they really regard soccer players as wusses. But look at how they handled their own finances in Otago. And let’s never forget that once upon a time there were white Rugby Union teams in South Africa who refused to let black people be rugby players alongside them. Do we want to perpetuate the same kind of discrimination by denying that soccer is an equally legitimate form of rugby?

Fact: Rugby, sorry, marriage, has certainly gone through a lot of changes. Which would mean that if you thought of gay people as being, well people, that these changes could move to encompass them being welcomed into the fold of human beings that can now get married. Thank goodness they're just soccer people rather than people people otherwise this logic might be in trouble!

New Zealand has always prided itself on a clear separation between sport and politics, and in the 21st century our political system needs to be free from all forms of discrimination. We led the world in giving women the vote. Yet there are still those who are happy to bar the door to those who play sport differently. There is no point in having a referendum on the issue because of course most rugby-playing New Zealanders will want to defend their privileges and guard the status quo.

Fact: The Springbok tour was certainly a time to be proud of in our strident desire to keep politics and sport seperate. As a nation we all still feel that pride and know that we did the right thing by elevating a game of rugby over political considerations and human rights.

Some say that we have already achieved equality, when the national soccer team finally got called the “All Whites”. That was a step in the right direction, but it didn’t go far enough. Soccer players need the same access to the “All Black” name and jersey. It’s not good enough to call them “All Whites” when overseas everyone’s heard of the All Blacks. No one talks about the All Whites. It is time to embrace the right of all ball-playing New Zealanders to be regarded as rugby players, regardless of the shape of the ball they use and how they choose to handle it.

Fact: Family First also advocate that, like gay soccer players, white and black people must be kept seperate. A lot of research was done handling differently shaped balls to bring you this stunning display of logic.