Tuesday, February 28, 2012

John Key: He Cares About Your Baby When You Wont

I think it's a beautiful thing that finally, finally one-year-olds have an advocate in the form of our very own Prime Minister. For too long babies have been smothered by their mothers, being fed boob milk (ew!), having some burbling women fling talcum powder in places where dignity is impossible, pounding backs and jiggling them about at all hours. You know what one-year-olds do? They start to learn to walk so they can get the hell away from you.

John Key is merely voicing aloud what babies everywhere are thinking: get this woman away from me and get her out of the house! And Key can make this happen! If you have a baby while you're on a benefit you're obviously making poor life choices, so let the government make a good life choice on your behalf by freeing your baby from your clingy, clingy arms and reintroducing you to the workforce. A job market that has certainly not been affected by the global recession and where the jobs are plentiful! Why, you could be packing up the car with your belongings, waving goodbye to your children and picking fruit down in the Hawkes Bay in no time! Plus you're bound to get your 5 plus a day - I think we're all a little jealous!

Key knows that this isn't about saving a few bucks in the short-term, this is about the long-term future of New Zealand. We need to invest in our smallest and wriggliest citizens and the best way to do this is to separate them from their mothers at the youngest age possible so that they can be afforded the best start in life possible. How else are they going to learn if they have someone else doing everything for them? This makes sense, and I for one, and I think all the babies in this fair land, am proud that someone had the guts to stand up and do the right thing.


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