Monday, September 24, 2012

English: Oh No, I Forgot to Blame This On Something!

From here: like the parasitic blogger that I am. Cheers Herald!

In August Deputy Prime Minister Bill English signs a Ministerial Certificate giving the all clear to GCSB to intercept the communications of Kim Dotcom and his acquaintances. He believes, in his heart of hearts, that it's legal, and why would his heart lie?

Meanwhile: Prime Minister John Key eats hotdogs, watching his son play baseball in the US, where sadly they do not have cellphone or internet access. A stack of papers remains unread as he gazes off into the distance, a blank look of peace on his face.

The Police are questioned in Court on whether the raids undertaken in January were illegal.They are further questioned about a meeting that was held prior to the raids and the role of the GCSB is uncovered.

Key gets picked up by English at the International Airport. They embrace and English helps Key with his luggage after receiving his duty free Toblerone. They talk about baseball, talk smack about Banks, and though English wants to tell Key about what's been happening in his absence, which he needs to do since there was no way of contacting Key, what with the US poor communication infrastructure, Key's holiday anecdotes are so interesting that English gets caught up in the magic and forgets to say anything.

It is discovered (when?) a bit of an oppsie doopsie has been made and spying on a New Zealand citizen or resident is completely illegal. English's heart has lied. He stares out of a rainy window and weeps. But how were they to know that Dotcom was a resident even though the fact of his residency was splashed about the National media back in March? That was MONTHS ago, and who knew that a Government spy agency could use Government access bases to find such information out. If only there was a manual.

Meanwhile: A man in Auckland gazes lovingly into a bucket of water where an Eel name Gladys glides sinuously about. "Soon, my lovely," he croons. "Soon."

Five days go past. The GCSB are nervous that they'll get yelled at and try to come up with something, like, they were really busy, or their cellphone coverage is terrible, you guys!  They then shuffle off to the PM's Office and scuff their feet on the floor and explain their illegal oppsie doopsie to the PM. They'd put it in writing, but you know how that goes.

Who asked the GCSB to spy on Dotcom and others? Key refuses to say. Was the FBI involved? Key refuses to say. What happened to all the information gathered? OMG, leave him alone you guys! This is just about the Government overstepping it's mark, acting above the Rule of Law, and abusing it's powers to invade the privacy of it's own residents. Or as English would say "an administrative procedure related to the court''.

An inquiry is initiated by the Prime Minister. Who is on the inquiry? Who knows. But sources suggest that it may be John Key, Bill English, John Banks and the remaining squares of the Toblerone bar. 

Mr English said couldn't recall the details of the document. "Everyone in the current Government is suffering from a severe case of dementia. I'm surprised we're capable of dressing ourselves in the morning."

Mr English said he preferred not to comment on whether he should have told Mr Key about the certificate earlier or other aspects of the matter. "As Deputy Prime Minister I don't believe it is my job to inform the Prime Minister of the goings on of the nation while he is attending sporting events overseas."

"It's all being dealt with by inquiry, it's a matter before the courts. LEAVE ME ALONE. I WISH I'D NEVER SIGNED THE STUPID DOCUMENT AND I HOPE KEY ENJOYED HIS STUPID BASEBALL GAME!''

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