Jetstar: We're Sorry You're Easily Offended

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Jetstar Spokesperson Mr Albert Cummings

Jetstar have been in the press on more than one occasion lately, and it’s not been for reasons that the company would like. Clocks not being adjusted for daylight savings meant some flights had to be cancelled, and two pregnant women were asked to disembark from flights despite Jetstar having been happy to fly them to their destinations. Adding to Jetstar’s public relation woes a woman was recently asked to produce a medical certificate before boarding, despite the fact that she was not pregnant.

A spokesperson for the airline said that crew were asked to request a medical certificate “if they have reasonable belief” that a passenger was pregnant. Mr Albert Cummings from Customer Care has since issued an apology in relation to this recent incident. “Obviously the passenger was most likely fat and we sincerely apologise if any offense was taken by pointing that out in front of other passengers that her grossly rotund belly looked like another human being was gestating inside of it when it wasn’t”. Mr Cummings was also quick to note that fat people were more sensitive to taking offence even when none had been meant. “Customers should also take responsibility by having a medical certificate if they are fat or wearing unflattering clothing just so all bases are covered.”

Management at Jestar have met with staff and a new policy will be implemented requiring all people at the gate to state whether they were fat or pregnant before boarding the plane, while baggage handlers would rate their clothing out of marks of ten. Passenger could then expect to sit on the tarmac for four hours because the pilot forgot to set their alarm clock. There had also been discussions around halting the practice of spitting on customers, but a final decision would be postponed until the AGM in early November.

Air New Zealand were reported to be busy spinning around in their chairs and flinging their arms up in delighted glee.