National have announced on the back of their Youth Wage policy a new financial incentive to hiring more employees that harks back to the days of old. Key explained that it had come about from discussing the job creation potential that would ensue from paying young people only 80% of the minimum wage. “We realised that if employers could now afford to hire 1.2 people that there was room for real economic stimulation to occur if only we had the drive and the vision to push this even further”.
The second rollout from the Youth Wage will be entitled the No Wage. Employers will instead be incentivised to take on more workers by not having to pay any wages at all. “Obviously employers will be legally required to cover board and food,” Key said, noting that workers would no longer be able to pay for such things from their weekly wage of nothing at all. “Planet Key isn’t the kind of place where we would just leave people to starve on the street, because then there is the additional expense of retraining another set of workers which is financially inefficient.”
Key suggested that the ratings success of such programmes as Downton Abbey meant that the public had a hunger to embrace the ways of the past and this new policy would prove popular. “With No Wages, employers will now be able to build large stately manors that will also entice more tourists to travel here to take photos of these and the serfs happily toiling in the fields below.”
Key further noted that with Government expecting lower tax revenue the privatisation of public assets would be accelerated. Offers had already been received from Hollywood for using the Beehive as a backdrop and this was scheduled to be blown up for James Cameron’s new blockbuster being filmed next May.