Thursday, September 26, 2013

Loans for Men - FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can I do it all online?  
Absolutely, from start to finish. So off with your pants, balls out, hand scratching away, beer at the ready, laptop on your erm … penis. From applying to approval to funds in your account, there’s no need to leave the house. Except to work. 'Cause you're a Man! 

2. How much will you lend me MATE? 
Any amount. You can choose, you're a man with a good head for figures and naturally responsible. 

3. If I’m approved, when can I start spending?
Faster than a whore's fart, mate. HIGH-FIVE! 

4. Do you care what I spend my loan on? 
Yes we do. We want you to spend your loan on gender stereotypical items. Man items like a leaf blower, or a reconditioned Chevy, or a prostate exam or a ruler to measure your massive man schlong. Anything goes, Mate!  

5. Will you keep my details private? 
Of course we will. Just like you wouldn’t want anyone rummaging around in your pants legs where you keep your dangling ballsack, the details of your loan will not be discussed with anyone but you. We also have a digital privacy policy that means your data will be kept safe and secure at all times, because we understand a great big furry brute of a man might need to keep a few secrets sometimes. Feel free to worry though, because your man brain can take it. 

6. Do I have to be a Man to apply? 
Actually, no. Although we primarily deal with Men, we’ll take loan applications from anyone because we have to. 

7. Can you recommend a good garage to tune up my bitching bike? 
Well, funny you ask that. Because we loan to Men from all over New Zealand, some of them have become experts on where to get vehicles reconditioned and worked on. That's right, Men are contacting their finance company to tell them about where to go for car maitenance. This is so plausible why wouldn't you believe this complete horseshit! MATE!  

8. What if I want to know more?
Send us some smoke signals, because you're a Man and hate, and are bad at, communication.


/ The Opposite Land of This:  Which is real, this is a really real thing. Apparently.

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