Thursday, March 15, 2012

Super Ministry and Away!

Our Dear Leader announced yesterday that we'll be waving goodbye to the ministries of Economic Development and Science and Innovation, the Labour Department, and the Building and Housing Department into one colossal Super Ministry, which is like a super city but with less Rodney Hyde and a lot less people once all the job cuts have happened.

The changes to stationary and signage will bankrupt the country alone.

Those ragged few that are left once the state executions redundancies have occurred will be gifted with capes and a fake identity as part of being in the new League of Super Ministries. They'll be stationed in a spare cupboard in the Awesome Colossal Ministry (combination of Work and Income, Health, and Justice) where they'll spend their days helping the citizens of New Zealand by answering phones and, well, answering phones. They'd answer emails but the computers will be taken away and sold to pay for Murray McCully's next 3 day $25, 000 jaunt overseas.

With regards to the changes Key said: "Some people will feel threatened by that (those people who are getting fired) and others won't (those people in the top jobs that I'm friends with). But ... I don't think we should stop doing things because they're challenging, and that's always been my approach to both firing people and my sex life."

Rumours that the Ministers holding the seperate portfolios would be genetically modified into a single Super Minister blob was quickly quashed as Key explained that he looked after his own, and by that he meant those who earned as much as Ministers did. "Sure, it would make more sense that if we think one Ministry can undertake all the work that one Minister could do the same thing, but I can't take away their portfolios from them when they've grown so close to the perks and the prestige that they bring. I'm not a monster."

As a side note I think we're all shocked that a man who was known in the private sector as "the smiling assassin" for the cheery way he axed hundred of jobs, would have one of his lasting legacies as Prime Minister be that he cheerfully axed thousands of jobs. Where the hell did that come from?!

When John Key said that National would give us a brighter future he meant that it was the light that we'd all see shining brightly as the lifeblood of NZ was drained away. On the plus side Michael Joseph Savage and Norman Kirk will be there to meet us all, smiling and waving, ready for Key to turn up so they can kick him in the balls.

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