Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dear Target....

Dear Target,

I paid a tradesman to masturbate in my house and all he did was clean my carpets, and not even in a nudge, nudge kind of way. He literally came in and cleaned the carpets in my house! What the hell!

I think you'll agree that this is both shocking and unprofessional. So shocking in fact that an entire 20 minutes of the show must be dedicated to this where we get blow-by-blow (ha!) details on what the blurry face rascal is up to, as breathing heavily he lugs around a steam cleaner around the thirty-five laundry baskets brimming with worn underwear which he continues to blatently ignore. Dis-gusting.

In good conscious you must show every minute detail as to what occurs. Not because it's sensationalist, but because it acts as a public warning not to leave tradespeople alone in your house should they suddenly run amok cleaning things instead of masturbating furiously about the place. Sure, you could spend a couple of minutes watching him clean the carpets, but unless we watch him steam clean (shocking! unprofessional!) the entire lounge we'll never understand the full heinousness of his actions.

In my day you'd pay a tradesperson to masturbate in your house, they'd turn up, masturbate away, and all was as it should be. Nowadays you turn your back and your carpets are freshly washed. It's a perverted world we live in and we need shows like yours to make us aware. Not for ratings sake, but for the sake of our children who will one day wish to hire masturbating tradesman of their own.

A Concerned Citizen

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